Darkness
by johann's-wife
Summary: John Munch wasn't supposed to break. This wasn't supposed to happen to him. WARNING: NON-CON; SLASH Munch/Fin. Feel free to review.
1. Chapter 1

John had been floating in and out of consciousness for about an hour now, but he was fortunate enough to be conscious to feel the intruder pull out of him, an involuntary whimper leaving his lips as the torn skin was irritated further. He turned his tear stained face further into the pillow his head was lying on.

He felt the weight lift off of him and heard the man shuffling with his clothes. John felt hands on his chest, flipping him onto his back on the bed. He cried out in pain at the pressure on his injuries. The man leaned down into the darkness and laid a heavy kiss on Munch's lips, cupping his face possessively. "Thanks for the great time, babe," the man sneered into John's lips. He gave John's shaft one last, painful squeeze and left the room.

John shut his eyes, not wanting to acknowledge that he was lying in a pool of his own blood and semen. He definitely did not want to acknowledge that mixed with that was a stranger's unwanted seed and saliva. Tears began crawling down Munch's face again, and he brought his hands up to cover his face, his nails digging into his forehead until blood seeped out. Before long he slipped back into a blissful, dreamless unconsciousness.


	2. Chapter 2

Fin leaned back and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. He yawned and looked at his watch. It was nearly 2 a.m. and he knew Munch, who had gone home around 11:30, would be worrying about him. He decided to call it a day and stood to gather his jacket in his hands.

He shuffled down the stairs and to his car. Munch always tried to get him to walk to work, seeing as their apartment was only a few blocks from the station, but he wasn't about to risk walking the streets of NYC at 2 a.m., and he made sure John did the same.

Fin yawned again as he drove down the street, the traffic a pain even at this ungodly hour. His thoughts drifted to the man waiting for him at home, and he grinned a little. Never did he think he would be sharing an apartment with Munch, let alone a bed, but the older man's sarcastic remarks and persistence finally wore him down, and now they'd been together for almost two years, and sharing a home for almost seven months. Munch was Fin's lover, partner, and best friend.

Fin parked in front of the familiar apartment complex and headed up the stairs. He knew he would find that John had fallen asleep waiting for him, probably on the couch. He smirked as he thought about how John had embarrassed himself the night before by drinking way too much. Fin had walked into see him lying on the floor, laughing incessantly about one thing or another. Munch had not been the ray of sunshine he usually was the next morning, keeping his head buried in his arms and a bottle of ibuprofen at the ready nearly all day, flipping off anyone who questioned him. Fin had had to smooth things over with Cragen when he fell into the path of John's bad mood. Needless to say, John would be pushing paper for the next few weeks. Fin chuckled at the memory and opened the apartment door.

As soon as the smell of the apartment hit him, Fin knew something was wrong. His smile disappeared and he reached for his gun. Someone had been here. He crept into the apartment, weapon drawn. When he was satisfied the intruder had left, he began looking for John. He wasn't on the couch or in the kitchen. Fin's stomach dropped and his palms broke out in a clammy sweat.

"Shit," he whispered. He ran to the bedroom and saw what he had feared. He nearly dropped to his knees at the sight of his lover, naked, in a pool of blood and other various bodily fluids. He immediately called 911.

Fin hung up and slowly walked toward the bed, not wanting to startle John. He knelt next to John's head and stroked his cheek with a shaking hand. "John? Baby, wake up… you gotta wake up for me…" Fin felt tears gather in his eyes at the pitiful sight of John opening his swollen eyes. He looked confused at first, but his mouth settled into a small smile when he recognized Fin.

"Hey, Oda," John rasped, using the pet name no one else used. He coughed violently and some blood splattered onto his chin.

"Oh, sweetie," Fin murmured. He took John's face into his hands and gently assessed the damages. He turned John's head carefully, trying to hit the light on each forming bruise. John's lip was split and both eyes were black. Fin noticed dark bruises forming on John's neck, along with a large hickey. Fin swallowed roughly, trying to keep his anger at bay. He took one of John's hands gently and laced his fingers with his. "An ambulance is on the way, okay?"

John looked at him, still seeming to be in a state of shock. "An ambulance? Oh yeah… I guess that would help, huh?" He tried to smile wryly but it ended up being a pained grimace. He looked at Fin, who was holding his hand to his mouth and kissing the back of it. Fin's other hand still cradled John's face, protective in even that simple gesture.

Fin saw tears glittering in John's eyes, and he knew he was trying to hold them back. John Munch didn't cry. He was the sarcastic, witty asshole that everyone knew and loved. John Munch doesn't break. Fin, however, was having none of that. "C'mere, baby."

John looked up at Fin, and he broke, his face crumbling. Fin rested his forehead against John's, his hands cradling his lover's head as seemingly endless tears flowed from the dark eyes. "It's okay now, baby, I've got you… I'm not gonna let anything bad happen to you, I promise…" Fin murmured the words of comfort over and over.

"Fin…my throat… hurts so bad," John whispered, his voice barely audible.

Fin ran his fingers through John's hair soothingly. "I know, baby, I know… The medics will be here soon."

John nodded reluctantly, his eyes not focused on any one thing. He was tense and trembling a bit, as though he was expecting his attacker to come back at any moment.

Fin stayed like that with John until the medics arrived. Before they got into the room, Fin quickly covered John with a sheet, trying to let him keep a little bit of his dignity.

Fin knelt by John's head again, whispering softly into his ear. "John, the paramedics are here."

John's panicked eyes focused on him. Fin had never seen John in such a vulnerable state. "You're coming with me, right?" John's fingers dug into the leather of Fin's jacket.

"Of course," Fin assured him. "I ain't going anywhere."

John sighed in relief and nodded, letting himself settle back against the pillows. He drifted back into sleep, clearly exhausted. Fin swallowed the lump in his throat, willing himself not to cry until he was alone.

Fin moved back and let the medics do their job, carefully transferring John onto a stretcher. Once they had him secured, they moved him out into the ambulance, with Fin right on their coattails. He climbed in after them, sitting as close to John as he could. He held John's hand and kept the other securely on John's cheek.

"Damn," he whispered. He suddenly became furious with himself. 'You just had to work those few extra hours, didn't you, Odafin? You let John get raped while you busy worryin' about someone you don't even know!' He shook his head to try to clear it of the assault from his mind. 'There's no way I could've known this kind of thing would happen! I had to get the case done! John wanted me to stay!'

Fin leaned his head back against the wall of the ambulance. He was wiped out, and now that John was in good hands, he let his eyes slide shut for just a moment.


	3. Chapter 3

John awoke to the smell of rubbing alcohol and the soft beeping of some machine. He didn't want to open his eyes. He knew what he'd see. John loathed hospitals; too much death in them.

But the warm weight on his hand made him remember who was waiting for him. He didn't remember much of last night after Oda had gotten home, but he remembered talking to him in such a state of panic he thought his heart would burst out of his chest. He also remembered being examined with a humiliating amount of thoroughness. Fin had been beside him every step, trying his best to distract him, but there was nothing to talk about, so he settled with simply looking at John, holding his hand, and murmuring words of support and calmness.

John turned his head to the side and opened his eyes to see Fin sleeping in a chair, not looking very comfortable at all. John managed a small smile and squeezed Fin's hand gently. Fin stirred and was awake instantly when he saw John's eyes on him.

Fin smiled a little and said, "Mornin', sunshine. How you feelin'?"

John grimaced. "Like hell." His face twisted again when he spoke, feeling his raw, bruised throat burn in protest at being used.

Fin looked at him in concern. "What is it?"

John shook his head dismissively. "Nothing," he whispered. "Just my throat. Guess I'll have to whisper until it's healed."

Fin pursed his lips tightly and shook his head.

John gripped Fin's hand a little tighter when he saw the guilt shadow his face. "Hey." Fin looked at him a little sheepishly. "Get over here."

Fin stood up and walked over to the bed, sitting down on the edge of it. He took John's hands and kissed each of them. "I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you," he whispered.

John smiled wryly. "Fin, I'm _glad_ you weren't there. This guy would've killed you and still raped me." John sat up a bit and gave Fin a gentle kiss on the cheek. "You never could've known."

Fin looked at John and smiled a little. "Well, I guess I wouldn't be much use to you, dead, now would I?"

"Exactly. You still need to be here so I can kick your ass at poker on Fridays." John grinned, and didn't fail to notice the relief that flashed in Fin's eyes when he heard John crack the joke.

"We'll see about that, pretty boy. Your bony ass gonna be handed to you this week."

The two men chuckled as the door to the room opened. They looked up and saw a doctor come in, a gentle smile on her face. "Hello, boys," she greeted. The petite woman was rail thin, with black hair and clear Hispanic descent. Her large brown eyes were intelligent and full of life.

"What's up, Doc?" Munch joked.

The doctor laughed lightly and rolled her eyes at the over used pun. "Very cute. I'm Dr. Bento; I'll be taking care of you while you're here Mr. …Munch."

Fin stepped back as the doctor began her examination, but John knew he was keeping a close eye on every move the doctor made.

The doctor finished up and looked at John with a sad smile. "Well, Mr. Munch, all things considered, you're going to be fine, physically. You'll need to be very gentle on your throat; liquids only for a few days, warm, and don't talk much; keep whispering if you have to, but avoid it if you can."

"Well, that's good news," John whispered, trying to be cheerful. "I don't remember much from last night after Fin got home. I was too tired."

Dr. Bento looked at John with a serious expression. "Mr. Munch, you've suffered severe trauma," she explained gently. "You need to consider the option of seeing a professional as soon as you can."

"Doc, don't worry about me. I've seen all that there is to see of this. I'll be fine. Special Victims cop, remember?" He offered the doctor a smile, which she returned reluctantly.

"You can have all the experience in the world, but it's different when it happens to you. I still advise you see a professional, but the choice is yours, of course. You should be out of here by tomorrow, but you'll need to take it easy for a week or so." She nodded at the two men, and took her leave.

Fin sat back down on the bed. "Why don't you wanna see a pro?"

John shrugged. "Eh, shrinks didn't do anything for my parents, and they won't do anything for me." He looked up at Fin, who was staring at him with a wary expression. "I'll be fine, Oda, don't worry."

"John, you should know the value of working with therapists being in SVU. You seriously think they don't do nothin'?"

"They're good for other people, just not me. I don't like telling people how I'm feeling," John grumbled. "Except you," he added when he saw the raised eyebrows on Fin's face. He sighed and glanced around the white room. "Right now I just wanna get out of this hellhole."

Fin still didn't look convinced, but he nodded. "Well, you heard the doctor. You ain't getting outta here till tomorrow."

John sighed again and settled back into his pillow. "Alright. Hey, you wanna get me some food? I'm pretty sure these eggs didn't come from a chicken."

Fin smiled slightly. "Sure. What you want?"

John shrugged. "Burger and fries would be great." He grinned up at Fin.

"Uh-uh!" Fin scolded. "You heard the doctor; I'm gettin' you your tea and that clam chowder soup from Thursday."

John scowled. "Fine. Mint tea." He crossed his arms and sat back into the pillows.

Fin chuckled and shook his head. "Alright, your highness." He leaned over and dropped a kiss on John's forehead. "I'll be back in like a half hour." Fin opened the door to the hospital room.

"Hey."

Fin turned back. "What?"

"I love you."

Fin blushed softly, silently cursing John for being the only one that could bring the color to his cheeks. "Love you, too, Johnny," he mumbled, his lips stumbling over the unfamiliar phrase. He quietly shut the door behind him.

John smirked at the sight of his disgruntled lover doing his bidding. He turned onto his side and closed his eyes, trying to get some sleep before the whole team showed up to question and fawn over him.


	4. Chapter 4

Fin stepped out onto the street, turning his coat collar up against the brittle wind. He strode down the street, and inevitably his thoughts drifted to John. He was beyond worried about him. John didn't break easily, if at all, that much he knew, but getting raped affects anybody. John being in denial didn't help anyone, least of all himself.

Fin sighed and shook his head as he climbed the steps to their apartment. He heard voices at the top of the stairs and quickly remembered that the place was still a crime scene. "Dammit," he grumbled.

Fin reached the top of the stairs and was met by a group of CSU investigators, a few of whom he recognized from previous cases. "It's alright boys, I'm authorized," he stated, flipping his badge out.

"Sorry, Fin, not this time," he heard a familiar voice say.

"Liv, what are you doin' here?" he asked, turning around with a scowl.

Olivia looked sternly at Fin. "Cragen assigned me to the case, what do you think? You know damn well you can't interfere with this one. We gotta be clean."

Fin crossed his arms and stared at her with narrowed eyes. "How is it you can be on the case but I'm too close to be on it? That don't seem fair!"

Olivia rolled her eyes and looked at Fin with an exasperated expression. "Fin, you know that as his partner, you have not an ounce of objectivity. You cannot interfere. We've gone over this before."

Fin grunted his disapproval but relented. "Fine. Where's Elliot, then? Ain't he workin' on this with you?"

"He's home; it's his day off. Kathy's exhausted with the new baby. I'll be fine for today." She brushed some hair out of her eyes and looked at Fin a little suspiciously. "What do you need here, anyway?"

"'Mint tea,'" he said, imitating Munch remarkably well. "I went to go see Munch, he wants mint tea and he got some soup he wants too. Won't eat the hospital junk."

Olivia raised an eyebrow at him. "You visited him at 6:30 in the morning? Odafin Tutuola, I do believe you're lying to me. I know you pulled that late shift last night; I was there too. How could you have found out about John so soon?" Olivia grinned at him. It was obvious that she knew that Fin had been the one to find John and call in the incident.

Fin felt a twinge of guilt at being found out. "Alright, I been at the hospital with him since he got there, what difference it make to you?"

"It might make a big difference in the case. You better be kosher, mister." Olivia jabbed a finger into Fin's chest jokingly, but her tone was utterly serious. "You can't be let on the premises yet, where do you keep the stuff?"

Fin looked up at her in surprise.

"It's not hard to figure out, Fin. You two are practically attached at the hip."

Fin set his face back into his scowl and grumbled a curse under his breath. "Alright, but don't you say nothin' to nobody, understand? The tea is in the cupboard above the sink and the soup is in the fridge, second shelf. Should be right in front."

Olivia smiled at him and patted his shoulder as she walked past him.

Fin groaned in frustration and leaned back against a wall. "Dammit," he sighed. This wasn't gonna be pretty. It was hard enough being a black cop, but a black gay cop was a whole other ball field. _What the fuck ever, ain't nobody gotta find out yet._

Fin thought back through the week. It was Tuesday. He and John had last had sex Monday morning, right after John's shower. His fluids would still be inside him and on him. Damn their spontaneity.

Fin sighed again and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. He had to talk to John.

"Got your soup and your tea, your majesty," Fin said as he made his way into the hospital room.

John looked up from the crappy catalog he had been half-reading. "Thanks, Oda. Shoulda told you to bring me some of my Hemingway; this stuff sucks." He tossed the magazine aside and reached out for Fin. "Come here."Despite what had happened, John had been missing Fin's touch more than ever over the past few hours.

Fin set the food down, took of his leather jacket, and sat down on the bed next to him. He let John settle into his embrace, the older man's head resting in the crook of his neck and shoulder. He felt John's deep sigh and felt his arms snake tightly around his waist. Fin planted a kiss in John's salt and pepper hair and rested his cheek on the top of his head. "What's up, baby? How you doin'?"

John shrugged. "Not much better. Missed you." John curled further into Fin, as if he was the island of protection from the outside world.

Fin's eyebrows knit together in concern and slight confusion. Rape victims don't like contact. They don't like touching and holding and kissing. Munch was practically sitting in his lap in an effort to get close to him. Fin closed his eyes briefly and put the thoughts aside, telling himself to simply allow Munch to be comforted however he saw fit.

"John, we gotta talk about somethin'." Fin shifted, moving further onto the bed so he could hold John fully, John's head now resting on his chest.

"Mmm?" John murmured, playing with a button on Fin's shirt.

"You know people gonna find out about us. They gonna find my fluids when the tests get back from the lab."

Munch frowned. "I'll just make it clear that I had consensual sex, hours before the attack. Besides, you have a rock solid alibi, you were at the precinct working. Liv was there and can vouch for you."

"That's not what I'm really worried about, John. You gonna be okay with people knowing about us and knowing about your rape?"

John cringed visibly at the word, clenching his fist. "It's fine," he managed. "People can think what they want, I can't control them. People were bound to find out sometime." John swallowed, wincing in pain. "It's fine. _I'm_ fine."

Fin looked down at John, only able to see his hair. "John, look at me." John shook his head stubbornly, and Fin saw the shine of a tear fall onto his shirt. He felt John shaking slightly. "Baby," Fin whispered, enclosing John in his arms. John wrapped his arms around Fin's neck, burying his face into Fin's shoulder.

"This wasn't supposed to happen to me," John whispered, frustration, shame, and pain seeping through every word. John's hands tightened on the back of Fin's neck, his fingertips pressing into Fin's skin.

Fin felt tears soaking into his shirt, but John made no sound. He had always been a quiet crier on the rare occasion that he did cry. Fin didn't say anything, letting John get his everything out that he needed to get out. Fin knew the only place John felt safe letting this side of him show was with him. Granted, it almost never happened, the only time it did was when he was with Fin and Fin alone.

Fin rubbed John's back soothingly, resting his head against his. "You ain't made of steel, John. Much as we wish you were, you're not. You're human just like everybody else. You get hurt too, 'specially with somethin' as big as this. It's okay to feel pain."

John let himself slide a little lower on Fin so his head was once again right below Fin's chin. His arms stayed wrapped around Fin's neck, the same urgency in the grip. He nodded once and sighed. "I know." He settled further onto Fin's chest, pulling gently on Fin so he'd lie down. "I'm tired, and I sure as hell know you are too. We need sleep."

Fin grinned. "I see you ain't takin' the doc's orders to not talk, but then John Munch couldn't keep his mouth shut if you sewed it shut." He sighed and held John tightly against himself, content for the moment.

"Shut up, Odafin," he heard John murmur. Second later he felt John's breathing deepen and his soft snores begin.

Fin chuckled softly and kissed the crown of John's head. "Yessir," he whispered. It was hitting him now how exhausted he really was. He closed his eyes and was asleep within seconds.


End file.
